In my sorrow I’ve been thinking a great deal about those lost to the great beyond, and the gaps they leave in our life.
I think there are certain humans and pets that are unique gifts from God. Whether you believe in one God or many, or the Universe or Mother Earth, there are those here that feel special; more than most. They make our days better, brighter; just by glowing quietly in them. They are our life rafts, our guides; blankets to keep us warm, a gentle breeze to cool. When they leave this earth, our soul splinters with unimaginable sadness, anger, loss. Why must they leave so soon? How are we supposed to carry on living without them occupying the spaces beside us? What is the future if they’re not in it?

We cry and lay in sorrow to provide relief; all just too much emotion for our body to bare, so our cup runneth over.

I know deep down these thoughts are nothing more than selfish folly; our shallow desperation at a world upended. Grieving and throwing blame wherever it sticks, trying to reconcile the minutes lost to an hourglass broken. I wonder if the gods cry for us too, sharing our loss and our sorrow. Wishing to explain intricacies we’d never understand, neccessary turns of a wheel we cannot see.
“We knew what you needed and gave you our best, but that was the longest you could have them. If we could have given more time we promise we would! We cry and mourn for you too, as they were one of our favorites! The light they shined lit up the heavens, and we marveled at the lives you had together. Our spirits break and grieve as yours do. They were our treasured gifts to you”.

I think spirits cry too; the universe and the earth, mourning in synchrony with each inhalation we take. That should provide some sort of comfort; that we aren’t alone in our suffering, but it doesn’t. Only melancholy and the infinite sadness remains.

Though maybe that’s the point. Is it better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all? The answer is always yes, a resounding yes, because every day spent together was a gem. A treasure. A priceless moment. So we should be grateful and raise up with the blessings of their memory. Maybe that’s the crux of our humanity. Certain lights- the best and brightest ones, can only shine so long. That’s their nature. All their goodness and kindness wears the gears and shortens the lifespan, makes the minutes here less. Yet if I sit and think, I know I’d rather have those moments than none at all. Each memory is like a box of gold. Each instant a valuable minute or second of time that can never be taken away. Movies for my mental cinema, the reels and reels of film I have of all those I’ve ever loved. I’m grateful for it, for them. For the love, and our time.

Though not the loss. Oh no, even in my moments of thoughtful clarity I’m not grateful for my losses. I selfishly wish they were still here with me. Wish I had one redo. One do over for one day. What I’d give to go back. If not to just be there in those last moments; to hold a hand, or push back the hair from their eyes and a final goodbye.

Time, is often not on our side. It flows regardless of the insignificant plight of those caught inside it. The wheels of infinity continue to turn, the river courses on, and the gears rotate until they just don’t anymore.

Through the last movement, last spin, last revolution. Til everything is still, and time ceases to mean anything anymore.

These things happen.