You’ll always be a part of me

‘Cause there is always something there to remind me

Always something there to remind me…

Always Something There to Remind Me, Naked Eyes

I have a scar on my right arm from when I was 17.

A boy burned me with a lighter on the bus to school, not trying to maim, but to leave a a smiling face; though instead he left a hole. A large, deep, blistered hole that hurt for days and weeks and months on end. A hole that had to be tended by special Doctors with special creams to fill the repulsive gap where my flesh used to be. It was deep, at least a half inch deep in every spot where the metal touched my skin, but the hole where the flame comes out left a mass of flesh sticking up like an eraser head; untouched and unmelted in a sea of devastated dermis. When they were finally able to fill it in with their magic salve, the Doctors told me to have plastic surgery because the scar was so menacing I would hate to look upon it. Said that it being dead center on my right forearm would cause people to stare and ask questions for ever. But I said no. I guess because even then, even at 17 I knew that each scar and scratch was a memory and a reminder of the road I’d been walking on for so long. He was careless, that boy. But I forgave him because I knew his ignorance prevented logic thought. No consequences ran through his mind just blind, innocent stupidity and how could I carry hate and anger for carelessness, you know?
Sometimes I gaze upon the soft and hairless spot where there used to be a hole but now there isn’t. I remember the boy and the friends and the teachers and people whom shared my life at that time- with clarity I remember. So I smile gazing at that small portal on my arm, leading directly to those memories and all they contain. It seems worth it when you put it that way.

Memories are all we take with us when we leave, and the memory of us is all that is left behind. I want my memories to be good ones. I want people to remember if I made them laugh, or to think back on me with a smiling face. Don’t we all?? I want the imprint of my soul and energy to be positive, to bounce back harmony and happiness into the solar system and into the beyond, reverberating into the forevers. When our flame is extinguished, our memory will be carried on in small tiny bits by the people whose strings we found ourselves tangled up in along the way. We must make them good ones, must strive to be a positive light in the lives of others so that our joy lives on.
When I go, l pray I fade quietly. I want to be left, resting, tangled up inside the corridors of my mind, opening doors and remembering everything for the last time. Visiting people, and places, reliving those beautiful moments at my doorstep. But for now, revel with me, sit with me and fill my tapestry with more memories; more stories. Help me fill my cup until it pours over, rivers of happiness; smiles, cries and excitement cascading and running ever onward. Breathing, running, moving in still motion; eternal bliss.